Something I don't understand

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Apostle
Something I don't understand

Didn't know where else to put this. Not understanding why several women I have talked to refuse to get to know my wife. It's almost like they don't truly understand the concept of polygamy. I don't understand why if a woman wants to join a family she wouldn't want to build a relationship with the person she will be sharing a husband with. Am I nuts for wanting a potential to build a relationship with my current wife?

MasterDenver
Nuts

Comment: 

not at all. it would seem strange that they would not. Unless they are hoping the current wife goes and they stay. 

The Accountant

Lili
I can see why they would want

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I can see why they would want to build a relationship with you first because a lot of women come to poly wanting a monogamous type of courtship. It's not realistic or healthy though, so it's good that you don't indulge it. Because in the end, they will have to assimilate into your family, and that will mean A LOT of time with your current wife. Not just you.

Apostle
The other thing that blows me away

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is when they ask me will you love me more than your first wife. Of course I am not going to love another woman more than I love my current wife. I will love them both equally. To expect otherwise is absolute Madness on their part.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Gandhi

Pluto8
Pluto8's picture
Delusional

Comment: 

Many who come to this little corner of the relationship world are delusional about the realities of poly. They simply do not understand, thinking it's just another type of relationship. I've not lived it, myself (we are very discerning and have set a high bar) but I have many years of taking to men who have and do live it, and a few of their wives, not to mention all the game players, deluded folks and a few interested real girls, both in person and on line. To put it simply, most people of both sexes (yes, Virginia there are only two sexes) on this site will never and cannot ever live poly. A few examples are single men coming here looking for a first wife. Good grief, there are MILLIONS of single girls out there, yet they come to the hardest place of all to look for one? (Most real, poly minded single girls who know the score aren't interested, if you can't even succeeed with a first wife and either win her over to the concept, or unless she wants it on her own, why would a smart girl gamble on you? If she does, you are still back to square one, seeking the hardest-of-all relationship to find and keep, a situation where many good couples have spent decades of their lives) ~~ And most females who come here come out of multiple failed relationships, yet somehow think that poly is easier to live? Well, girls it isn't, not by a moon shot. If you couldn't hack monogamy there's scant chance you are going to succeed at polygyny. Our track record of well over 30 years of happy marrriage is the kind of stable place where it CAN work, IF the miraculous happens and true compatibility is there, and everyone is on the same page. We are not holding our breath, we need that for the adventure we are currently living

"Be ye faithful unto death and I will give you a crown of life"

Isabella
Not nuts

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No, you are not nuts and should be concerned.  I think perhaps many are not seriously looking but just want a little attention from a man.

Garrison
Nuts

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expecting anything in the first place.

nah, not ragging on you or others. 

just more reasonable to deal with people as they are, appropriately and as nicely as you know how.  Be yourself, begin with accepting others for what they are.  But don't waste your time if you find you are sincerely just not interested, especially if for good reason.  ("I'm trapped in a Nigerian hotel and can't escape unless you wire me $500.  Quick!" would look like a good reason to just give up to me).  I suspect an open declaration of bi preference or open relationship would send you skidaddling as well.

I keep looking for Bels in my Smith's but it's no use.  She only goes to Whole Foods.  so where ever you shop for veggies, don't be bashful.  At least you're talking to a real woman.

 

 

Garrison