Seeking my forever family...

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Skylarrain82
Skylarrain82's picture
Seeking my forever family...

Everyone who responds to this ad and talks to me for 2 weeks tells me "I am the perfect woman".  I am not the perfect woman, I am flawed.  I am not looking for the perfect man, and I should request for men/families who respond to stop telling me what you think I want to hear.  I get along with anyone and wear my heart on my sleeve, so if you tell me someting at face value, I believe it.  I am looking for someone like myself who is true to what they want and if its not a match then we go on our merry way, nothing is wrong with that.  No one should have to settle or compromise for what they want in life.  

As you all know, so many factors go into finding the right new member of your family, and for that individual to find the right family match, it can be trying as well.  At 34 years old (turning 35 in July), I'm still searching.  I am fortunante enough to be independent and don't need you or your families money.  Money is not a driving factor for me, does not bring me happiness, but with a college degree and a corporate job for 12+ years, what I have worked hard for over the years should not be intimidating to you and you should not let it define who I am.

  In any type of relationship, but specifically in the poly lifestyle, there are areas that you have to compromise for the good of the family.  Areas I am not willing to compromise are:

Traditional Values - Not every aspect of my life is traditional, but I strongly believe in the husband being the leader and head of the household.  While he needs to respect the opinions of his wife/wives, I was raised and believe the husband is the ultimate decision maker. Additionally, it is important that my future husband meet and shake my fathers hand before starting my life with my forever family. I have made mistakes in the past and feel this could have been avoided had my father met my husband and saw things I didnt see.  That whole "blinded by love" thing.  Positivity is key.  If you are a person who is generally described as angry, grumpy, short-fused, impatient, then you are not my husband.  There is so much evil and hate in this world, it's impossible to ignore and should be discussed among family.  If it consumes you, changes how you interact with friends and loved ones, then you are not who God has chosen for me.  Unfortunantly I cannot be around negativity constantly bc it begins to then make me the same way.   Finally, I will not move to your home without visiting first.  I understand this could negatively impact your children to come visit and then leave, but again, hindsight is 20/20 and I'd prefer to visit to see if its a good fit, rather than relocate my life only to learn what was true on the phone is not true in person.

Children - I want children and this is not something I am willing to compromise.   If your family already has children I will love them as my own but I also want to bear my own child.  This is something that your family needs to discuss in great detail and ensure that everyone in the family wants at least 1 more child, in an ideal world I would like to add 2 children to our family.

Sexuality - I am not interested in any sexual relationship with a sisterwife/wives.  Intimacy is very private and is something I will only share with my husband.  During courtship, I will not discuss my sexual style, nature, how I am in bed, preferences, my sexual physicalities (i.e. whether or not I'm shaven - which I hate even typing but its been asked), position preferences, lingerie, toys.  If you thinks that makes me a prude so be it.  You are not who God has chosen for me.  1 thing I didnt add in my 1st personal ad.  If you start your conversation without discussion sexual things but as wew grow closer feel its your right to know, I disagree.  I was raised and am highly conservative.  Sex is discussed in the bedroom, behind closed doors.   .

Religion - While not a requirement for my future family, I do believe in God and am religious.  Not a bible thumper, and have had my struggles off and on with the church.  I still want the freedom to pray, read the bible, and on rare occasions go to church (my mother is ill so this can happen 4 days a week 1 month, and then I not step foot in the church for 6 months).

Politics: I am a black, Catholic, female, Republican.   I do not ignore the liberal party.  I subscribe to all news outlets bc I believe in keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.  I want to be informed on all opinions outside of what I support.  I am pro-choice and support the LGBT community to the fullest extent.  Told you, I'm flawed. If God decided the day I was born that my forever family will be Liberal then I will pray a lot about that b/c I swear it would be easier with the same political views but maybe I'm wrong.  At the very least, I have never found it rewarding to disrespect someone for any matter, including politics.  I may find something wrong with you view, but I want to listen and learn about it so I am not ignorant. 

​These are a lot of things, but I'm not picking a vacation destination or a christmas party dress, this is for my forever family.  I won't rush into this, I will ask TONS of questions, and expect you would do the same with me.  At the very least I will learn about a way of life, a perspective other than my own, and for that I am always grateful.

Joleneakamama
Joleneakamama's picture
Welcome to the site!

Comment: 

What a great post!
You were articulate, reasonable, and specific in what you are searching for.
I hope you get responses that are as well thought out, and ultimately find all you hope for in a family.

Jolene

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes~

Skylarrain82
Skylarrain82's picture
Thank you

Comment: 

Thank you for your kind words! 

polypaul
polypaul's picture
Interesting

Comment: 

This post sounds like a confession , have you made these mistakes recently? Moving from Houston to Washington must be a big change.

 

Searching for a second wife............are you interested ?