First Wifes Input
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 06/03/2008 - 01:03.
Just curious on a poll or people's opinion. Having been a sisterwife and in the plural marriage community for about 6 or 7 years have learned several important factors. #1 Plural marriage should never be forced on a wife. #2 The first wife must have input and approval of the incoming sisterwife. The relationship between the wives is actually more important than the relationship between the husband and each wife for harmony to be in the family. I have heard some statements made from males along the lines that they don't care if their first wife wants plural marriage or not, and if she doesn't like the wife I pick out she can leave. These statements and opinions would cause great harm to a family..... What's your opinion?????
Starting our journey
Well we are a bit new to this, I've done the looking and searching but my 1st wife's input is valued. And yes it's inportant for all to get along, resect each other. The ultimate goal is to have a loving home where children can grow and feel love. I could go on lol
From a male perspective and
From a male perspective and having 2 wives i did not have any expectations of having a second wife. It was something talked about and discussed for many years before one day my first wife brought home a nice young women who wanted to be loved and in a stable family. Thus yes i would agree that the compatibility factor for the 2 ladies was and is a must and makes me very happy to see them happy. They want me to be able to pick the next one but as i have told them, if it is meant to be it will happen naturally, just picking someone out is not something that would be just easily done considering the differing viewpoint on the lifestyle.
True to the saying
"Happy wife, happy life" LOL, thats how I see it. My husband loves me enought that he would never want me (us/wives) to be angry or hurt.
first wife...
If the first wife is not on board, disaster will ensue.
First wife should also pre-approve the second wife.
It is the wives who have to get along the most.
david and abigail
while this sounds all nice warm and fuzzy... i am trying to think of where this is applied biblically outside of abraham and sarah. did jacob ask leah? would she have said yes? hmmmm...
did david ask michel about marrying abigail? would she have said yes? hmmm....
did boaz ask his first wife about marrying ruth and naomi? .. thinking not... hmmm...
hannah was a second wife the first didnt want... guess there goes samuel being born... hmmm....
you are all free to live your life as you chose but if you are saying the husband needs the first wifes permission and that the wife is the keeper of the destiny of the family and the head.... well.. thats your choice. as for me and my house.....
What the scriptures say on the topic
Not only do the scripture not say it is required or even recommended a man have his wife/wives permission to take another wife, but in Mormon scripture it clearing states the wife/wives will be condemned if they do not agree to him taking more wives. I have found nothing indicating wives need to get along before the additional marriage takes place.
The scriptures do clearly state a man is to love his wives, and guide them with kindness, with this in mind a wise man chooses carefully additional wives that he plans on living with current wife or wives. The Chinese symbol for war is 3 women in the same house.
Many think it is not polygyny unless all wives live together in the same house. Scripturally this is untrue, the only scriptural indication of wives living together is solomon and King David, and then we can only assume they had their hundreds of wives all living in the palace. Even then with all the servants I doubt their wives had reason to worry about who wants what for dinner, decorating styles, or child rearing style differences. The bottom line is clear that God does not intend for a man to have his wife/wives permission to take another wife or who she is, and god doesn't not care about living arrangements of the wives. God does require us to get along with all of his children regardless of relationship. Snuk
just a comment
beautifully said neo, thank you for not going blindly with the current...
I beleive that this is not
I beleive that this is not askingabout biblical times. In todays world if a man takes a secound ar third wife with out the consent of the first he will likely end up in jail. or worse divorced/seperated from those he loves. I am the head of my house but my wife is my equal and thus I treat her so.
She has as much say in the direction our family takes as I do.
Being the head of the house does not mean it is "my way or the high way" It is when we cannot agree on a compermise then I get the last say.
It is also biblical to care about you wife / wives feelings. How else can you have tranquility in the home?
Most definately
We fully agree that the relationship between the wives is key. To the people who think otherwise I too wonder how they would rationalize it.
another first wife
Communication amongst the wives is necessary. I chose our second wife and love her dearly, and we (as a whole family) are happy with what CHOICES we have made together. We balance one another out and that works for us.
agree
i am a first wife. i agree.