Hello...
Wow- I don't know where to start, so I'll start from the top.
My name is Mike. I am in a plural relationship. I have been married to my wife nearly 17 years. There have been rough times- but most relationships are like that- I feel that is what makes them stronger. We'll call her "D".
I am not Mormon. I am not LDS. Honestly- I don't know what I am. I believe that there is a God- and we probably could talk of this all night long- but we won't! :D
I have had a plural relationship for nearly 6 years now. We'll call her "P".
I don't live in a huge community- probably about 15,000 people. We have rather large military installation nearby. (I am sorry I'm being vague- but as you read you'll understand). I own a small business. I have about 15 service trucks on the roadways doing service work. I am also an officer at a local Fire Department. I'm a Firefighter at another department. I'm also a Certified Medical Responder- as well. I was also a part-time Police Officer for a very small community prior to a Fire Service injury.
I have 6 children. 4 with "D", and 2 with "P". Boy-16, Boy- 15, Boy 14, Girl 12, Boy 3, and Girl 1. We have a happy family (along with all of the usual choas that comes along with having a house full of kids).
"D" is an Auxilary member on the dept that I am an officer at. "P" is a firefighter- and working her way up the ranks too. All of our friends are aware of our "unique" living arrangements. Although we aren't out of the "closet"- we are pretty open in explaining our "living arrangements" as people come into our 'circle' of friends.
I am no wheres perfect. I have good kids. They have ADHD. The typically have grades that are A's & B's. Wrestling, Football, Soccer, and Volleyball are the school sports that are participated in by the kids. They go to a public school- which- in my opinion is the best in our state. When I walk the hallways- I feel like I am in a private school- right down to the kids wearing uniforms in the Primary & Elementary schools.
We had an "incident" over a year ago whereas my 13 year old and 12 year old (at the time 12 and 10) checked each other out. The 10 year old said something at school, which created a lot of ruckus at shool and required counseling. Social services came into our life at this time. The worker didn't come straight out and ask what was going on- but I am sure as they asked who the family members were they got an understanding of the dynamics. No problems were found, and once the counseling was done, the case was closed.
Last week we got a visit again by the worker. It was ordered by a new judge. I am told she is pretty hard core. I don't know the woman. I know that a lot of the hoops and hurdles that you have to hop through was bypassed. The worker did his investigation, and found nothing wrong- but informed me because of the judge pushing so hard for "something to be done about the living situation" he was going to ask for a special investigator. The following morning I was called to their (Social Services) office. I was spoke to by the supervisor, and the worker. They informed me that although I was not breaking any laws of our state, they were going to ask for a special investigator. The feeling I got from these folks were kind of like they were very very frustrated as to what they were being forced to do- because the repeated several times that they didn't find any problems in our home. They did suggest, however, that we move my duaghter upstairs, and move "P" downstairs. (3 bedrooms downstairs, with a basement- 2 bedrooms upstairs, living room, kitchen, dining room- 2 boys in 1 bedroom, 2 boys in another bedroom. 1 yr old w/ "P" in her bedroom, and then my other daughter in her own room by herself). I said- no problem.
Friday- the special investigator showed up- along with a State Trooper. They interviewed everyone in our house- one at a time- I guess to just make sure that everyone's stories matched. The alleged complaint brought back the original complaint- stating that we hadn't followed the safety plan put into place, and our daughter was in danger. Reading between the lines of the complaint though- I could see what they were after- a breakup of our family unit.
I explained that our family was our family- and nothing was going on that was bad- or against the laws of our state. The special investigator stated she found no problems. The State Trooper agreed- and stated that I wasn't breaking any laws either.
This judge still persists. I'm getting a lot of information "off of the record" but can't get anybody to go on the record.
I dont' know what to do. I now am getting visits from two separate offices each week- the special investigator, as well as the regular office worker (social services).
I feel that this is harassment. I feel like I should be able to go after the judge through the bar association- but I don't have a "smoking gun". I also found out today that the school principal and school counselor keep asking my daughter if her brother is doing anything to her- or touching her.
I have requested a meeting of everyone- to get them at the table all at once so that I can explain myself once and for all- but I'm afraid if I don't say the right stuff all of this could backfire.
I would appreciate any and all comments, suggestions, or information. I really like this site- from what I've seen it's pretty neat and I don't feel all alone anymore in my "unique" living arrangements.
Mike
be prepared
I feel for you on this. Activist judges stain the american legal system just as bad as 'friendly' reporters stain journalism.
I can only advise what my grandmother taught. Try honey first, then vinegar. Remember that if all the troopers, social workers and staff see there is nothing wrong, then there is little a judge can successfully do.
Bigotry is evil. Use honey, but make sure you have a back up plan.
Love your neighbor,
The school personnel repeatedly asking your daughter about physical sexual contact is harassment, and could very well lead to her feeling ashamed and insecure. They need to understand this and stop. Maybe the social workers who seem to be on your side can help with this. As far as investigators coming to your home and speaking with your family, take the opportunity to become friends with them. Invite then to birthdays and kids sporting events, if your kids are affectionate like my youngest son is, allow them to give them hugs when they see them. When they come to visit open up to them about other problems in your life encourage your kids to feel comfortable opening up to them also. In short let them see that you are like other families just with more mothers. As you become friends with them their hearts will open up and they will become part of your family and you part of theirs.
As for the judge remember pray for those who spitefully use you. Invite her into your home also Let her know that you mean her no harm or ill but also don’t be ashamed to get a lawyer involved. Let her know that you would like to have a friendly relationship with her but just as she is doing what she thinks is best that you have to do the same. At all times be prepared to do what you must to protect your family and look to those of us who do understand and are willing for help and resources.
Hello Mike, I wish that
Hello Mike,
I wish that there was something that I could say, or share, that would help you in your situation. But unfortunately I cannot think of anything.
I will say that our family has had to live through a similar situation that has followed us around to almost everyplace that we have lived. Our opinion is that these people, the ones with the agenda, are jealous of anyone living a polygamous lifestyle and doing just as good a job of it, and in many ways much better, than those living a monogamous lifestyle. And should they find someone doing better than they, then they will not rest until they can prove their theory correct and find a fault with that polygamous family. This will comfort them into thinking that they themselves are not "bad" people. But of course the psychological aspects of motivation may differ from person to person, and I don't claim to be any kind of professor. This is just my humble opinion.
Unfortunately this attack on you will not stop easily. We were in a unique situation and we tried everything that we could think of to stop this abuse and harassment. We even moved several times, which was difficult because my husband worked as a peace officer at the time, but the same people kept finding us. There were only two things that stopped the harassment for us. One was we bought more than one house and nothing was registered in my husband's name. My husband had absolutely no property (except one car) registered in his name. When the authorities investigated again, they didn't have a leg to stand on. My house was registered in my name, and my children lived with me. There was no sign that a man even lived in the house. I could stand there and very adamantly proclaim my distaste for their harassment. That was it.
I realize that not everyone is in a situation where they can do what we did, but it worked for us. I do hope that you are able to find an acceptable resolution to your situation.
Toni
Toni's soulution
Toni's solution may be be the best, depending where you are you would not need two houses if you just put everything in the girls names so it was superficially a girl\girl relationship, if there is a big push for 'tolerence' in your state then that will probably work. If there isn't then that won't help. You could look into police harassment charges, but you would really have to look into how it works by your local law. I hope you can work this out, and like John said, pray for the people causing you trouble.