Dealing with jealous feelings
i am new to this site. My partner and i have discussed having another woman in our relationship. I feel this is natural way of life and i intellectually have no problem with it as i see many benefits-in my head ! MY problem is that my partner wants me to find another woman and i don't know how to go about it without seeming to hit on someone.(wow i feel bad for men) I want to be discreet because this is a touchy subject. When my partner finds someone he is interested in, then he wants to be intimate first right away and this is where i get angry, because he seems to not be using good sense, in my hmble opinion. THen i feel like i am being forced, when i don't need to be. Am i being selfish? I realize that i will have some jealousy at first, and i don't want to.
Does anyone have any guidance on this topic?
Courting ect.
My wife does slightly more of the courting than I do (we've only pursued a few girls). She is fairly slow to court and makes friends with the woman and finds out a lot about her including her ideas on poly before she even broaches the topic, its proven to be quite effective. Interestingly because of this approach I have experienced quite a lot of jealousy, because when she is courting she spends huge amounts of time with the girl she likes and not very much with me.
Balance and sharing the whole relationship is key to reducing jealousy, but sometimes its not possible to find that balance.
Going for intimacy fast is a guy thing, its not bad per se but it really needs to be kept in check in a poly relationship because there are more people to consider than just him. I find it easy to think of and go for intimacy faster than she likes too, but one way or another its is by far best to make sure she is right before getting to tied up with her, so I try to bide more. It's difficult for guys to be patient about these things, but patience is the right thing in this situation. Perhaps its best to remind him he needs to know the girl very well before getting intimate or she could turn out to be a long term nightmare that haunts you both. We are usually good at being practical and giving him practical reasons to wait until you're both sure about her should help the most.
If you find the right girl and know she is right for you and you still have jealousy problems at that point that is something you will have to work out on you're end, but its not selfish to want to be sure you love the other girl before you let things go all the way.