Insight please
Hi everyone. I am new to the website and I have a question for everyone. I have found myself drawn to the polygamist lifestyle for quite sometime and am now doing a little more research. I have a wonderful husband that I love very much but feel that having another wife would enrich our lives greatly. I do have a different view on the other wife though than most and please don't attack me for it. I am bisexual and feel that we could all have a life together and all be involved sexually. I don't want this only for the sexual relationship but also for the bonding and emotion relationship that it would bring into our current marriage.
I'm not sure that this could ever happen because I have never met anyone that shares these feelings with me and I have no idea how to even go about finding others that live in the way we would like. I guess my question is, does anyone else live this lifestyle successfully? I don't want to pursue it blindly, I would like to talk to others who live this way.
Thank you for your time and I appreciate any views that you share.
Insight Please - Response
Hi NaTisha,
What you are discussing in the above post is probably not as uncommon as others will have you think. I myself have two wives, and we all share the same bed and enjoy a very real, loving, caring relationship that also involves sex (as any healthy marriage should).
It started out very different for us, we started out as a more traditional polygamous family and it was a real problem for us. I missed whichever wife I wasn't with on any given night, and on their 'off' nights, my wives were lonely and hurt. Due to this we sat down and discussed sharing 'everything' in our lives. The first couple of nights were very exciting, but also a little strange for all of us. However, after about two weeks we all found ourselves the happiest we had ever been. No one was lonely, missed, or feeling hurt. We now have five wonderful children who love both their Mommies and their Daddy and who are in turn loved by them.
You certainly shouldn't get into a relationship like this for sex. As with any marriage, that will only get you so far (which is to say not far at all). You need to be with a husband and wife that love each other as much as they love you. It's important to think of your husbands feelings as well as the other woman. All three of you will have to work hard to make sure that one person is never feeling left out in the bedroom. You need to enter into the relationship with a willingness to talk about things that are working, and also things that aren't working, and be open to changing for each other.
The most challenging part (as you noted) will be finding a second wife that is as open to this as you are. If you are lucky enough to do that, you will enjoy a truly rare thing (a great and happy marriage)!
Welcome
NaTisha - First off "welcome" to 4thefamily.
There are many people in this country who have successful plural families, most you won't find on the net :) That said, most successful families seem to have a common religious bond, or common belief system that offers this as a pattern to follow.
Just like any monogamous marriage, basing a plural marriage on sexual attraction would probably wear old soon. If you find someone, and you are all on the same page, like any marriage it takes work, but it will work.
Cheers!