My best-friend has asked me to be her Sisterwife.
I am trying to educate myself on both polygamy and D/s. My best friend Janelle, recently asked me to join her family. I have been single for about 18mths and been spending more time with her and the family. She and her husband Steve have two little girls. They have been married for 7 years and have been happy. I have known Janelle for about 14 years, we were at school together and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I adore their girls and love Janelle. I like Steve too but have not been close to him. I told her how I felt and so she has been organising dates for us to get to know each other. Steve is very attentive towards me and feels sure that I would be happy within their family. Steve told me that he can see how much happier Janelle and girls have been since I have been spending more time with them. He said that he wants to take care of me and make me happy too.
Now here is the thing that I didn't know. Janelle and Steve have a D/s relationship. Janelle has never told me and I never guessed. Steve said that he sensed that I was submissive like Janelle and that would be perfect for us three. Steve is a good husband and father. I don't love him but I do respect him and care about him. Do D/s polygamy relationships work? I am opening my mind to the idea of a polygamy relationship but don't want to risk my friendship with Janelle. I want to talk about it with Janelle but I just can't find the words yet. Is this normal? I want to try and make this work but not rush into anything either. Any ideas of what could help?
Best Friend
It depends on what D/s means in practise. "The Devil is in the details." If all it means is that the man is the head of the family, and the woman (or women) must be compliant, then that is potentially a good arrangement. All the great Asian religions encourage this kind of domestic arangement. It seems to work very well. Control freakery, on the other hand, is quite another matter. I've known women who were subject to that, and they hated it. So it all depends. Hope this helps.
The Devil is in the detail - for sure!
Hi Ryenwine,
You are right, that's why I was surprised that I have known Janelle for so long and never knew that she and Steve were into D/s. I guess my image of D/s was that it is kind of a kinky element that you stay away from. Janelle and I have talked and it is nothing like that at all. Yes, Steve is the head of the family and the ultimate authority. Janelle's focus is on loving him and the children before herself. She explained that the definition of love is the "willingness to extend yourself for the growth of another person". Both Janelle and Steve extend themselves for each other and their children in different ways but it works. Janelle explained that at times she hasn't always understood Steve's decisions or needs but has always complied and then later it made sense. For Janelle, she feels secure and doesn't have to worry because Steve is her rock. D/s is just another way of loving so that everyone knows their place. I haven't seen any 'control freakery' yet.
Best Friend
Meeg,
I think you are wise in taking your time if you are unsure. Never rush into anything with out giving it your full attention. There is a lot that has to go into a poly relationship. I am sure if you set your friend daown and talk to her she willunderstand. You said you don't love Steve and that is important. Now I do believe if you are wanting to join a family then talk to Janelle about it but talk to others who have and are part of a poly family already. You may feel comfortable joining a family that maybe you are not best friends with. It is ultimately your life and you must be comfortable and happy. I will pray things work out for you in your decisions.
James & Lacey
Thank you for your advice and prayers :)
Janelle and I are starting to open up about the details of their marriage. Her relationship with Steve has always been D/s even when she wasn't sure. Janelle feels that it is a different way of loving that has drawn them together deeply. From before they married, she and Steve looked forward to a sisterwife or two completing their family. Now they are excited that God has brought me to them and has faith that He will guide us towards happiness.
I would be interested in chatting with families were the sisterwives were best friends before their marriage and include D/s. My email is meegs.blossom@yahoo.com.au.