Self Esteem - thoughts on husbands, sisterwives, plural marriages etc.

This article was posted in a Yahoo! Group. With permission we are posting it here as well. Thanks to Stan Shepp.

There are cycles. Some are lifting; some cause you to be drawn down.
Take, for example, a woman who feels bad about herself. If she has a
husband who emphasizes her weaknesses - then she will continue to feel bad
about herself - often feeling worse and worse - until she is in a state of
total worthlessness. This is not very elevating for a woman - or for a
man. Now, suppose you have a woman who has a low self-esteem. If her
husband compliments her on her strengths each day, then she will build her
confidence and have a greater feeling of self worth.

It is also easy to see these cycles if you exclude the husband. Suppose a
worker goes to work and finds out that he can slack off by hiding in the
basement. At the end of the day, he has accomplished nothing, and feels
bad about himself. Since he feels bad about not accomplishing anything, he
does not feel like accomplishing anything - so he slacks off the next day
as well. This cycle will continue until the worker accomplishes virtually
nothing at work and is depressed. His co-worker, on the other hand, works
hard and gets a lot done. He feels that he is a valuable employee and has
a much better feeling of self worth. Each day, he goes to work thinking of
how much he can accomplish - because he is such a good worker - and when he
accomplishes a lot that day, he feels good about himself. Laying in bed
all day and watching TV is a wasted day to this person. There is so much
that he can accomplish - and he feels good about accomplishing so much
every day. This employee is happy with himself - and easy to be around.

Now, when you compare the two - and blend them together - you might have a
woman who accomplishes much, but her husband constantly points out her
flaws. You also might have a woman who accomplishes nothing, but her
husband always compliments her. Which one do you think would be happier?
I am voting on the one who constantly gets the compliments. So I would
conclude that the compliments are more important to being happy - and I am
associating happiness with self worth. For the ultimate in happiness, a
woman should get much accomplished during her day (a man should as well -
obviously) and she should have a husband that compliments her on her strong
points. If she has a weakness that needs to be pointed out to her, the
husband should do it lovingly - and sandwiched between two compliments.

It is important in business - and in family relationships - to always
compliment people in front of others. It is even more important never to
correct someone in front of others. Even something simple, like "Nice Tie"
means so much more when stated in front of 10 people than it does if you
tell them in secret. Likewise, something as simple as telling an employee
that his fly is down in front of ten co-workers is so much more detrimental
that it would be to pull them aside and whisper to them that their fly is
down.

Finally, in families - especially plural families, men should think about
who they are and who their wives are. If a man wants to be a king, then he
should not plan to be married to slaves. If a man wants to be a king, then
he should be prepared to be married to a Queen - and he should be prepared
to treat her as such. That does not mean that she might have to get on her
hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor occasionally - but an
oppressive husband should not force to her. She should do it out of love
for her family and her castle. The building up of the woman should create
that love - so that she feels like a queen.

I have met my share of men who claim to be "kings", yet when I witness
their interaction with their husbands, I am quickly exposed to the fact
that they are married to slaves. Kings do not marry slaves - they marry
Queens. Queens do not tolerate being treated like a slave. Likewise,
Queens treat their husbands like Kings.

My advice would be to find someone who will treat you like a Queen -
someone who will compliment you in front of others - someone who will
encourage you through your weak points with love, and in private - someone
who will make you feel like a Queen and who you will want to treat like a
King. If you accomplish much during your day, and have a loving husband to
encourage you - there is no reason that you cannot overcome any feelings of
Low self esteem.

And sometimes, accomplishing much during the day means that the 5 children
are still alive, the house is still standing and the neighbors haven't
called the police. Having a husband that recognizes that some days are
better than others - and who will step in and help when the need arises -
is like having a King for a mate.

If your husband does not know how to compliment, you should start to
compliment him more often and see if it makes him feel better about
himself. Then maybe his happiness and feelings of self worth will spill
over onto you. A great book for any woman is y Dr. Laura Slesinger "The
proper care and feeding of husbands" or something like that. A woman who
reads this book and implements the ideals expressed in that book will soon
find happiness in her family.

That's my opinion, anyway.

Stan Shepp

Somewhere in the West